The Beginning of “Dear Jess”

The Beginning of “Dear Jess”

The Beginning of "Dear Jess"

It was seven o’clock in the morning when my phone vibrated, waking me up. Normally I do not wake so early on Saturday, but that one I predisposed myself to wake up. Yesterday was one of those Fridays we promise to universe that the next day will be different and we will enjoy completely, however we don’t, we stay on the bed to only getting up to go to toilet. But not today, it was a matter of honor, I’d not allow laziness rule me.

I pushed the blanket away from me and stretched, then I felt the warm hand of Bu in my belly, caressing as one said “back here, stay with me only ten minutes more,” I came to him and gave him a light kiss on his forehead, “not today love”, I thought already smiling as I looked over his calm countenance; put his hand on the bed and stood up, I picked fruits in the refrigerator, peeled, chopped, putting all in a blender. After cleaning the kitchen, took a quick shower and put on a very light clothing, as the real summer was beginning in this cold city after all. Bu was still asleep, which has given me time to research a few things about my book with more attention, while I was drinking my smoothie, my father’s recipe.

Vroom.

My mobile vibrates again, but this time is not the alarm clock, but a message from my friend Jessica, we weren’t talking with each other in a few days, when things like that happen we don’t blame ourselves, but life, for always being so rushed and we barely have time to enjoy the whole day. We started talking and a warm feeling washed over me, that which comes when we talk either by message or Skype. Sometimes I end up forgetting that she is on the other side of the ocean and we do not look in the eye for more than nine months. I don’t like to think about it, because I feel a lump in my throat and it all begins to blur, it’s better not to think, I conclude. Jess and I met in third grade, but only became friends, those inseparable  ones, in the seventh grade, a love that has grown over time to become timeless and giant.

 Anyway, she’s talking about how the holidays are a little bit bored, but at the same time it is good to be home, I know how it feels and I tell her. Perhaps we stay for hours talking about it, oh but today I can’t, I have to seize the day. I finish my research while I’m responding Jess, but now with a more spaced time. I eat something and Bu wake up wanting to use the computer. In the meantime until lunch I go to the gym and swimming quite a lot, pretending I’m a mermaid (already told you that Jess knows how to swim like mermaid?). Who are reading this may think that I only know to talk about her, try to understand that is not like that, there are days when I really miss her and I think today it’s one of them, It shouldn’t be sad, but my anxiety will not let me stop thinking and the knot may get back. When I arrived  home lunch was ready and we eat together while we talked about something he read on Reddit it was very funny, but I would have to read to be.more.

“Sorry love, but I’m impatient to read!”

” What happened?” I felt a worried tone.

“Nothing, I just miss Jess.”

“So it’s no nothing …. ” shrug “… Think about what you can do to change that.”

I nodded smiling. After a while he had to leave with his father and I was alone at home, lying in bed staring at the ceiling, I do that a lot when I have anxiety attacks, breathing deeply so do not miss the air that occasionally tends to run away. Next to me was a key chain with half a heart that Jess had given me before I moved, I always kept carefully and held on days like this, of longing. I held between my fingers as small half-hearted and closed my eyes. It was like being back at the Rio Grande of Serra, feeling that warm, wet embrace, as the two began to cry uncontrollably, Jess does not cry for a thing, but cried sobbing that day. People stared blankly, but we know more than anything that this would be the last time we would see each other in a long time, and even if we we saw other times would not be for a long period of time, we knew that we would know other people would do other friends and that nothing would change between us, that hug gave us sure that best friends aren’t separated by an ocean, or anything, they do not exchange or forget, that hug was marked in me, and I believe in it too. I didn’t know, but from there the most complicated thing I would face was to make friends, I can not explain with such property, but no friend I’ve made (and there were many), they are the same, or has same formula as before, I don’t want to compare, but I believe the friends that you conquer when growing and shaping their personality are more flexible with your changes and new ways of thinking, able to accept you and understand every step and doubt, because they have seen throughout yours history and were at times that no one can be, and the new, well, they don’t know yours essence even if it is going to know, not because they want to but because I can no longer allow as before. I know when I’m scared or uncertain, or when things are not going well and need an escape, I remember this embrace, remember her squeezing me very strong against her, remember her eye red, love, than before the tears and all the feeling of nostalgia that is already before even exist. Everything is good, as it always was and the time to say “it’s time to go” all turn and the ball neck come the tears without obeying already come down … I miss that day, I miss it, I miss our pancakes and horror movies, and when the longing tightens madly I watch Dawson’s Creek because in my head it’s Joey and warms the heart.

I open my eyes and realize I’m sobbing, everything is blurry, but that’s okay, because it is part of the transition of these kind of days so I smile and get up looking a picture of us on the computer and smile more, because it is old and we are smiling a lot, caught my phone and send “I had a fantastic idea, you’ll know everything in a week,” she did not answer, she was not online, Supernatural fault probably, but that’s okay. I took pen and paper and with some tears on my face began to write …

Dear Jess,

***

Hello, I started a series of chronicles in partnership with my friend Luana, every two weeks on a Friday (when possible), we will post a chronic / short story with a pre selected theme, the theme of this week was friendship, I hope you enjoyed also see the text of lu here. And with this chronic I get also a category that will be called “Dear Jess,” in which I write letters to my friend Jessica about many things. Thank you and have a nice Sunday.

 

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